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This photograph of Robin and me stood near the television in the sitting room which I had to go through to get to the kitchen, so I could hardly avoid seeing it. There were other photographs around of course, but it was this particular one, taken not long ago, that seemed to be a focus for my loss.
The Photograph
At first I almost took the photograph down. It showed the two of us together, walking in the Chiltern hills.
We had stopped for a rest. I leant against you, your arm round me, my head on your shoulder.
The pain I felt each time I saw it was so acute, it made me feel again my overwhelming loss.
But to stare at the space it would leave would be worse. So it stayed. And gradually as time
passed, I made a friend of pain. And now, in moments of anxiety, I stand and look at the photograph.
I lean on you still and will all my life. Your arm round me. My head on your shoulder.
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